All the time
by thatdragonchic
Summary: homeless to harvard au, hiccup gives his side of the story. rated m for mentions of drugs, drinking and sex work.


**_this was inspired by homeless to harvard and I even used some of the dialogue in there. I really needed to vent this sorry. _**

We sat their for a very long time, just talking. I can't remember laughing so much in my life, I'd never laughed until my sides hurt. I can't remember laughing until I was near tears. Never. Never... never. I'd never done it. Never.

That was until they started telling secrets, our most secret secret because that's what best friends do. Astrid had lost her virginity, Snotlout always felt alone, Fishlegs hated being fat, the twins were never good with people. Then theres me, they looked at me like I could say something.

"Oh come on, we all told you. Its only fair," Fishlegs prodded and I glanced around, eyes on the clock. It was six o'clock PM of April 13, 1992 and I was breathing a little weird. I took a shaky breath before starring at my hands, fidgeting in my lap.

"Okay but you have to promise not to tell anyone because if you do I might be in trouble. No… I would be in trouble, I would never have a chance- promise not to tell."

"Okay… we promise," Astrid spoke up for the rest with caution, everybody watching me with suspicion. I took a breath again before looking away from all of them, staring at the door.

"I'm homeless... I ran away when I was fourteen." there it was, that was it and now I waited for the questions… or what i thought would be questions.

"What the hell is _wrong _with you?!" Astrid yelled, my head snapping up. "Don't you know any better? Why would you run away? Your parents must miss you like crazy! Why on earth would you _run away?" _

"Because I didn't have a choice, I couldn't stay where-"

"I bet you they loved you! Did you lie to the school about having a father-"

"They do love me. They loved me… I know they did. I didn't lie though. I'd never-"

"So why'd you leave? Your poor mother-"

"Astrid shut up! Let him talk," Ruffnut shouted, slapping the other girl upside the head. "Why'd you run haddock? What's your sitch?"

"I ran away because my grandfather hit me… hit me a few times, slammed me against the walls, yelled at me because I'd had a friend over. Actually I had a few friends over but they all left when mom came home drunk. She… she drank a lot but sometimes I believe that was better than the drugs. They did drugs a lot… her and dad."

"_Give me the money! Where is the money? ITS MINE! I NEED IT!" she would yell it over and over. _

"_Mama we need the money for food," Hades would tell her but she would cry and yell, shaking and sick looking. _

"_Its mine! I gave LIFE TO YOU! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT?" And I'd always be the one to give it to her. That wasn't my real mother though but she did it. She would go and buy the drugs, her and dad. Dad was always absent minded but he chased her and they'd smoke together, shoot the drugs together, kiss and love together, until they weren't high anymore. She went back to sex business and he went back to not being there anymore. We would be hungry, scavenge what we could from the trash. _

"I loved my mother though… I loved her so much. My mom was there for me all the time." _I remember sliding down the hills in the autumn, the leaves that had flown around us. And her smile, I remember moms smile. It was a beautiful smile. That was my mother, the mother that a smiled. _"All… the time." _My mom came stumbling in when my friends were over, me trying to support her, keep her standing. _

"_I'M A GOOD MOM!" she cried, and I held her, took her to the bathroom. _

"_Yeah… your a good mom. C'mon not on the floor," I'd whispered and I could see the heartbreak in my friends eyes. I could see them know why I didn't bring anyone home, why I didn't talk about life at home. _

"_I'm a good mom! I'm a good mom." _

"All the… all the time…" _I ran away and I always went to the bar to see her, sat on the steps, helped her get in the house when she needed the help. _"All the time." _And then she was gone, died of aids, died drunk, died helpless and I lay on top of the wooden box, not letting her go. Jay had drawn her name and her worth on the box but in just a few days I'd never know where to find her. In just a few weeks she'd be gone forever. I lay there for as long as they let me and grandpa didn't care his daughter was dead, my brother didn't care and dad wasn't there to see his wife go. It was me and it was jay and I was alone in the world. _"She was there all the time… and I was never her baby. She was mine. She was my baby and I took care of her. I didn't go to school because I thought it would keep us together. I didn't go because I thought it would hold everything together. But I was wrong and I'm going to finish school, I'm going to go to college. I want to succeed. I want the world we never got the chance to have…"

I bit my lip, shut my eyes and took a deep breath. Nobody knew about this, about everything. I didn't like to remember. "She died of aids a year and a half ago. I didn't have a baby to take care of her but I loved her and she loved me… even if she forgot she did. She loved me, I know she did. She trusted me, not hades or dad, me. She loved me. Dad was never there, smoked and learned trivia. Drugs messed them up, I don't want to be messed up. I won't be messed up."

"You're joking… that's crazy," Snotlout muttered, everybody a bit teary eyed and I shoke my head.

"That's my life. But she's there all the time and this is where she wants me but you can't tell or they'll put me in a group home. I don't want to go there, never."

"Never," confirmed Astrid. "We won't tell."

"Thank you."


End file.
